Skip to content

CARITA GARDINER

What to Read When You're Avoiding School Work

Menu
  • Home
  • About
  • Writing
  • “Why”…Wednesdays
  • GrammarLove
  • Contact/Subscribe
Menu

349. Why Skipping is Arrogant

Posted on September 3, 2025September 4, 2025 by caritagardiner
Screenshot 2025-09-02 at 9.03.59 AM

The Class of 2027's theme for the year is SHOW UP, STAND UP, STEP UP, and today, I'm going to rant about how important the first one is. Besides, if you don't do the first, you can't do the other two.

As a class dean, I spend a lot of time sorting out students' attendance.

  • I get notifications when students reach threshold numbers of missed classes, excused and unexcused.
  • I write letters/warnings when students miss three or six required appointments without valid excuses.
  • I shepherd students through the discipline process if they reach nine unexcused absences.
  • I excuse absences for which students have reasonable reasons for having missed.
  • I approve/deny/question absence requests from parents.
  • I meet with kiddos to figure out why they're missing classes and help them understand why they need to show up.

While the majority of deaning is NOT sorting out attendance, it's certainly a substantial part of the job. Fortunately, I have a lot of patience for this kind of record-keeping and discussion-having.

What I don't have a lot of patience for is students who knowingly and deliberately abuse the system. While it's not a rule in our handbook, in general, deans excuse any unexcused absences greater than two in a single day. The practice is designed so that if a student has a phenomenally bad day (slept through all classes or felt sick but didn't make it to the Health Center, for example), he/she/they won't end up on an attendance status (Letter of Concern, Caution, or Citation) and won't have to serve four of five detentions based on a single day's problems. The deans affirm that the consequences of one bad day shouldn't be out of proportion to a student's overall attendance record.

That said, I've encountered a student who slept through two classes and decided that since the other absences would be excused, he'd just take the rest of the day off. Oh, no, that I don't have patience for.

And besides my not having patience, I realize how arrogant that choice is, for three main reasons.

First, taking advantage of a rule designed to protect students makes us reconsider the rule. If kids start behaving this way, we might change the rule for those who need it. Selfish, no?

Second, skipping class shows that the student assumes they're not missing anything important. Moreover, in any efforts to find out what they missed, the child is necessarily creating more work for others, either their teacher or classmates or both, who will have to catch them up. Rude, no?

Third, we have rules about total numbers of missed classes, excused and unexcused. After a certain point, students may not earn credit for a course. In deliberately adding to the tally of missed classes, they assume they won't need to miss later for illness or other reasons. People can't possibly predict the future or know that these absences won't be the first of many over which they have no control. Arrogant and short-sighted, no?

I know that not everyone who reads this blog is in school, but I'd argue that the same logic applies to meetings and other gatherings. Deciding not to attend sends the message that you don't think the other people involved's ideas matter, that their agenda is a waste of your time. It's an arrogant assumption. It's better to show up.

What do you think? Please share your responses in the comments.

11 thoughts on “349. Why Skipping is Arrogant”

  1. Judith Gardiner says:
    September 4, 2025 at 4:47 am

    Why all male pronouns for sample students?

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      September 4, 2025 at 11:16 am

      Though I didn’t want to use the student’s name, I guess I had a particular kid, who identifies with male pronouns, in mind. Yes, I could certainly see a non-binary or female-identifying student make the same lousy choices. I’ve tried to go back to make the student who inspired the post be the only part that’s gender-specific. Thanks for the catch.

      Reply
    2. caritagardiner says:
      September 4, 2025 at 11:16 am

      Though I didn’t want to use the student’s name, I guess I had a particular kid, who identifies with male pronouns, in mind. Yes, I could certainly see a non-binary or female-identifying student make the same lousy choices.

      Reply
  2. Viveca says:
    September 4, 2025 at 2:25 pm

    This is exactly why I struggled to create an attendance policy for a class I teach that meets for four hours once a week. I didn’t want to overly penalize someone for missing a week’s worth of classes in one day (in case they’re sick or stranded in Buffalo), but I also didn’t want to leave any incentive not to show up if you realize you’re late. I am going to try rewarding them in proportion to the amount of time they attend. But it’s complicated.

    In your case, I’d suggest modifying the excuse policy from “in a single day” to “for the same reason.” If a kid has mono and can’t make it to a series of classes, that’s all for the same reason. But if a kid sleeps through two classes and then decides not to attend a third, that’s two different reasons for the absence. Neither the dean nor the teacher would not excuse the first (slept through is not okay). The dean but not the teacher might excuse the second (meaning, it could still affect their course grade but not subject them to discipline). And nobody should excuse the third.

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      September 4, 2025 at 5:10 pm

      First paragraph: I struggle with this as far as grading goes, too. I don’t want to penalize a kid who legitimately gets sick a lot. On the other hand, at some point, if a kid misses too much even with great reasons, they’re not taking the same class as everyone else.
      Second paragraph: I like this idea. I’ll bring it up next summer when we update our attendance policy. For now, we’re in the current plan until June.

      Reply
      1. Viveca says:
        September 4, 2025 at 6:17 pm

        1. Exactly.

        2. I understand you can’t change the official rules once they’re published. But maybe it shouldn’t require waiting until June to slightly nudge the enforcement of an unwritten policy.

        Reply
        1. caritagardiner says:
          September 4, 2025 at 9:55 pm

          Back on 2: yes, I might ask if we can veer slightly from the old system. Thanks.

          Reply
  3. Paul mrfitz Fitzgerald says:
    September 4, 2025 at 5:03 pm

    Skipping requires balance, power and agility. Skippers should have great confidence and possible a degree of arrogance. Skipping feels good. Skippers have a sense of freedom for they aare practically flying away annoying hassles. I say “Skip to my Lou, my darling”

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      September 4, 2025 at 5:08 pm

      Hi Paul. I see what you did there and agree. Maybe I should write a second post about the value of physical skipping. Or better yet, you can write that post. My idea was limited to skipping class.

      Reply
  4. Christian Finlay says:
    September 5, 2025 at 5:49 am

    Bring down the hammer!

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      September 5, 2025 at 11:32 am

      🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply to Judith Gardiner Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

WHAT I DO

I serve as a class dean and teach English to high schoolers at a boarding school in Connecticut. I’ve earned a Bachelor of Arts (Amherst College), an Education Master in Learning and Teaching (Harvard University Graduate School of Education), a Master of Arts in English (Bread Loaf School of English), and most recently a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing with a certificate in the online teaching of writing (Southern New Hampshire University).

As a writer, I hope to capture the complexity and joy of life in the New England boarding school world. On this site, I share what I know about trying to write fiction while deaning, teaching English, coaching, and doing the other tasks associated with helping to raise over six hundred other people’s children.

WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU

Teach                    Tutor

Revise                   Edit

Entertain             Enlighten

Follow Me

  • Instagram
  • Facebook

Contact Me

  • cgardine@hotchkiss.org

Read my recent “Why” Wednesday Blog Posts

  • NetGalley Review of First and Forever
  • 384. Why The Imperfectionist
  • NetGalley Review of Burnout Summer
  • NetGally Review of How to Find a Guy in Five Weddings
  • 383. Why AI
© 2026 CARITA GARDINER | Powered by Minimalist Blog WordPress Theme