I took the photo above in one of the public bathrooms in my school. I believe the Random Acts of Kindness Club wrote and posted this note and others that had lots of different messages and appeared in various places around campus. A fun project I approve of, but not the point of this post.
I know people who won't use public restrooms. They would rather delay the biological necessity of emptying their bodies of waste fluids and solids than enter a room where others do the same. They worry, I think, about the germs. While I'm pretty sure that most public bathrooms get sanitized way more often than the handles on doors, windows, and shades, I feel for those people who, logically or not, don't want to enter a place where so many people eliminate.
That said, I've learned so much by using the public bathrooms at my school. I've come across girls who are mid-conversation about every topic from where to buy clothes for a certain upcoming dance (apparently, the answer is bornexoticshop.com; I'm not judging, just reporting) to how they "like literally failed the math test" (87%). I've walked in on girls in need of medical assistance and on girls trying to get help for their friends, girls who brushing their teeth and those who need a place to sit to change their shoes. I've seen the full range of human emotion and physical needs being met in the public bathrooms on campus.
I've walked in on so much joy but also on more sobbing girls than I can count. (Having used "literally" in a non-literal way above, because 87% isn't even close to failing, I want to point out that I absolutely could count high enough to number the crying girls. The number is, to be more clear, higher than one might guess.) Like a genius, I often blurt out, "Are you okay?", when what I mean and usually correct quickly to is, "Are you physically hurt?" So far, the answer to that has always been negative. Then, we can start the real conversation. I can listen or assure or figure out how/if I can help or find help. Or I can sit so that she's not alone.
The first time I came across a girl who was crying in the bathroom, I thought it seemed like an odd place to go when that feeling hit, but the more kids I happen upon, the more I realize that the public restroom's lobby is both solitary and communal. It's private without being lonely. It's safe from the people who are sometimes the problem. It's nearby. One has a better chance of finding assistance than in a locked dorm room. That first bench is, in fact, a perfect retreat from the bigger world into a safer space.
What are your thoughts on public restrooms? Have you ever had the chance to help or be helped in one? Please share any responses in the comments.
I don’t know if Hotchkiss provides separate bathrooms for staff, but I’m guessing they do. I’m glad that you choose to use the public ones instead, and that you have helped those many girls through times of strife. I hope that is contagious.
Please, let that be the only thing people catch in the bathrooms!
No, we have three kinds of bathrooms at Hotchkiss: gendered female, gendered male, and all-gender. Nothing is divided by age.
How brilliant and kind of you to address this phenomenon,
Thanks.
Thank you!
My lifetime public bathroom highlight was also at Hotchkiss, when your two then young daughters nervously asked me what those things in the stainless steel wall dispenser were really for. I realized the most important moment of my auntliness to date was upon me: I had the honor and responsibility of introducing them to menstruation. (I resisted the temptation to start with “one day a beautiful red flower will appear in your underpants.”)
I’m not sure if you’ve ever told me that before. Thanks for stepping up with their first “talk.”