146. Why the Worst is the Best

The photo above shows a moment from the twenty-seventh annual Hotchkiss Swimathon, which donates 100% of its proceeds to Special Olympics Connecticut, helping athletes have access to pools, coaches, etc. If you haven't already donated, you can do so on this link. (In case you're wondering, I'm one of the people holding the banner, CIO is driving the boat, and my birthday buddy RK is the other person holding the banner.)

On the weekend of the Swimathon, I was sitting at lunch when one faculty member who's been at Hotchkiss for many years asked a new teacher, "What was the best moment of your first few days of teaching?" The new teacher told a story about putting the next day's lesson onto the board in one of her classes. She said she thought it was really funny that she showed the future plan to her students. I loved that instead of feeling embarrassed or upset by making an error, she considered it her most fun moment.

Later that same afternoon, I was walking down to the Swimathon and listening to Hidden Brain: Where Happiness Hides (September 6, 2021's episode). Near the end of the episode, Shankar Vedantam's guest told a fable of an old farmer who doesn't have much, but his neighbors think he's lucky to have a horse. When the horse runs away, people think about how unlucky the farmer is. When the horse comes back with six wild horses, everyone comments on the man's good fortune. But then the farmer's son breaks his arm while riding on the horse --> poor, unlucky guy. The next day, recruiters come to town to take all able-bodied young men to fight in a battle, but the son doesn't have to go because of his broken arm. Oh, he's so lucky. At each moment, the fact that had been the cause of lucky becomes the fact of unluckiness and the worst moments become the luckiest. Vedantam's guest went on to say that for many people, losing a job becomes a chance to find a new, better job. Bad break-ups lead to finding real love in another person.

I like that reminder that what we think of as a worst moment can turn into the catalyst towards a best moment, but I like even better thinking about how in fact, nothing has to change for a worst moment to become a best. Gretchen Rubin (a happiness scholar and podcast host) says that when we're ready to learn, a teacher will appear. I like the idea that if we look at these "worst" moments from another angle, nothing has to change for the unlucky to become lucky. When things go wrong, we can adjust the lens through which we view events to figure out what we can learn and how we can adapt. I'm not saying that reframing is easy, but it can make life feel easier if we look at our losses as opportunities to revise what we want.

Which of course brought me to thinking about the Special Olympics motto. "Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt." Learning to be brave in the face of not getting exactly what we want teaches us much more than we learn by racking up easy wins.

Can you share an example of a time you reframed a difficult moment into a victory? Please share your story in the comments.