If you haven't read Wally Lamb's book, The River is Waiting, you can buy it by clicking on the photo above. The post below has some spoilers, but not any major ones. In fact, I'm writing the post before I've read the last quarter of the novel, so I couldn't ruin the ending if I tried.
Even without having gotten to the end yet, I recommend the book highly because it will make you consider big topics in new ways. Here are some of the big questions it's making me ponder:
- is our criminal legal system, especially the prison industrial complex, useful?
- how do we spend/wish away our time?
- since addiction is an illness, what blame can/should addicts take for their actions while under the influence?
- what is the most horrible action we can forgive in others? in ourselves?
- of what should we be most afraid?
- how can we facilitate redemption? is redemption always/ever possible?
- how much can humans endure?
- how much can relationships withstand?
There are more, but these are the biggies. And they're really big, but they're not the main topic of today's post. I wanted to write about the book because I am enthralled by one of its characters, Dr. Patel. She's a grief counselor who works with the narrator/protagonist (Corby) and his wife, both together and separately. Without Dr. Patel, I don't think Corby would survive the experiences of the story. (Note, having not completed the book yet, I don't know that he does survive, but I'm guessing.)
Dr. Patel does two things that make a huge difference in Corby's ability to endure. First, she shows up for him in hard moments. I'm guessing that not all therapists attend people's important events when they're off the clock, but I know that in our most difficult moments, it's helpful to see supportive faces in the crowd. So lesson number one from Dr. Patel is, whenever possible, be in the room for those we want to help.
Then, Dr. Patel writes Corby a letter with four pieces of advice, all of which seem useful in his bleak circumstances and for anyone, anywhere, at any time. I'll share my summary of her four main points here:
- Don't spend your life looking back or counting down too much. Both spiraling about what bad things we've done and fretting about what may or may not happen in the future rob our ability to be here now. Even if here and now are bad, adding the burdens of past and future will make the present worse. Carrying those burdens "will rob you of the energy you need to get through each day in real time"(168).
- Take care of your body's needs. Exercising our brains and bodies helps us to stay strong and capable through hardship and makes the present more enjoyable. Eating well, touching grass, reading, breathing fresh air, and keeping active are important for strengthening one's ability to do other things. "Respect the mind/body connection"(168) to help avoid weakness and despair.
- Do stuff. Wasting time doesn't make us feel better in the long run. It's better to find meaningful work. Even if we have the luxury of having resources without employment, we're better off staying occupied.
- Make the choice to find the good in your situations. "Every person...must make the choice of moving toward the dark or the light...Both paths are available to you. Seek the light...Move toward the light"(168). Even when it's easy to see the worst, we can choose to hunt out what's good.
So, there are five ways that Dr. Patel's actions (show up for others) and advice (be present, feed your body, keep busy, and seek light) help Corby endure and can help us not only get through but also appreciate life more. What do you think? Where can you see taking this advice in your life? Are there other critical suggestions you'd add to her list, or do you think these five cover a lot of ground? Please share your responses in the comments.