[Photo credit to Emma Brodie. Please remember that name so that you can buy her book when it comes out next summer.]
This post will go live on my fifty-first birthday, making me three times as old as the older students I teach. (Eleventh graders are often seventeen.) Fifty-one used to sound old to me, but as the number of years since August 12, 1969 has increased, my perception of the word "old" has changed.
"Old" isn't a fixed target, as I know from looking it up. Technically, "old" has to do with the later years of one's life. I'd also argue that "old" changes for all of us at various stages in our lives. As I'm unlikely to make it much past a hundred, I have certainly reached the second half or later years of my life by any objective or subjective measure, but I'm not yet feeling old.
More important to me, my connotations connected to "old" have been shifting, too. At some point, I thought of "old" as a negative word. I might try to use the softer "elderly". (And why is that word any different? I have no idea. Some of you reading this might even go the other way, thinking of "elderly" as the less nice word. Words are crazy, am I right?)
Today, on my birthday, I think about what I've learned in these fifty-one years, what I've survived, what I've accomplished, what I've seen and done, whom I've met and loved, how I've changed. I am certainly not the same person I was in August of 1979 or 1989. I'm not even the same as I was in 2019. I've been through more and the more has changed me. And I'm grateful for every one of those changes.
You know that story about the guy who has a knife. The knife needs a new blade, so he replaces the blade. Then the knife needs a new handle, so he replaces the handle. At this point, does he have the same knife he started with? (And if you want a knife that won't ever need to be replaced, let me know, as my daughter is selling great knives and other kitchen and garden tools for Cutco, who offer very high quality products. It's not an easy thing to go into sales, and I love the kid, so I thought I'd put in a plug.)
Like the knife but with less help from outside influences, our body's cells regenerate. I'm sure I don't have any of the same cells I had when I was seventeen or twenty-nine or thirty-two. So am I the same person who acted in A Mid-summer Night's Dream in high school or who had her first baby at twenty-nine or completed her family with her second baby at thirty-two?
And if the cells are all new, what's holding "me" together? The me in the middle of here has to be the accumulation of what I've been through: surviving a tumor, living in the aftermath of a fatal car accident, making mistakes on social media, learning from my daughters, saying the wrong thing, apologizing, trying again, writing, worrying, working, walking, loving...Fortunately, the list is long and its length makes me proud.
So here I am, on my birthday, feeling good about making it to fifty-one. I look forward to seeing what the year brings. For today, I will celebrate with plenty of non-chocolate candy and maybe some version of key lime pie, which has been our dessert of the summer. Yum.
If you want to give me a present I'll love, I've got some suggestions:
- Write a comment sharing your thoughts on birthdays.
- Donate to any organization you think will work towards social justice.
- Set a goal for yourself to accomplish this year, and write about it and your plans to achieve it in the comments.
- Do something kind for someone, and then write about what you did in the comments.
- Subscribe to my newsletter. (Note, you can't use an @hotchkiss.org email address.)
Maybe you can tell that I love birthdays. I hope you take your next one to celebrate your accomplishments, set some goals, and keep figuring out how to make the world better. We can't make it "great again" until we make it great.
How do you feel on your birthday? How/Do you celebrate? What's your favorite version of key lime pie? Please share your birthday thoughts in the comments.
Thanks for this upbeat post. Just what I needed.
You’re my first real memory, and you’ve gotten much better and more interesting since then, so I suspect you are right about experience improving you. (And you look great in that pic.)
Hope you got and enjoyed some pie!
Love,
V
Awe shucks! Sending gratitude (for these kind words and 51 years of being there for me) and much love (for the past, present, and future), c
Well, one, I subscribed.
Two, I am making key lime pie for Patrick’s 22nd birthday. I will have to let you know whether it is successful or not.
Three, I’m glad we’re both here to write and to read. Post-Grove, anything could’ve been possible.
Four, the best part of reaching the second half is the possibilities feel like magic.
Hi Liz,
One, THANK YOU!
Two, have you tried using a Nilla Wafer crust? I like that and Graham cracker best.
Three, me too!
Four, thank you. I am def feeling grateful for all of it.
Five, it’s so great to reconnect. Thanks again.
All good things, Carita
I want to buy some Cutco knives from your daughter!
Hi Gail.
I’ll let her know. Thanks so much,
I hope you’re well, cg
I’m so grateful that we’ve known each other for what continue to be larger and larger percentages of each other’s lives (look at me doing math!). My goal for this year is to stay sane, appreciate the smaller moments ,and not focus so much on the goals for a change.
Happy birthday! Xo TvS
Back at you — over 4/5 of our lives is impressive, and every one of those years has been a gift.
I like the idea of appreciating the smaller moments rather than the goals. I don’t know if I could do that, as setting and achieving smaller goals is part of what has kept me moving forward during a lot of similar-feeling days. When I think about it, my #hotchkiss365 project is partly about appreciating at least one moment every day.
One way I’ve been appreciating some end-of-summer moments has been to allow myself to read the books you sent for my birthday. I’m not too far in yet, but already grateful. Many thanks and much love, Carita