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339. Why Pan

Posted on June 25, 2025June 24, 2025 by caritagardiner
Screenshot 2025-01-13 at 6.31.41 AM

As is often the case (since I discovered that many photos on the internet are copyright-protected), the photo above has nothing to do with my topic today. It's a picture I took of a flower I saw in California.

I've been thinking about sleep, something many people struggle with. Little kids fight going to sleep while adults often have a hard time getting as much as they want, either because their lives are so busy that they don't have enough hours in the day to do all they need to do, or because even when they're in bed, sleep eludes them.

I used to be a great sleeper. I would fall asleep quickly, sleep consecutively through the night, and wake up at a reasonable hour feeling rested. At some point, we'll call it 2016, I started waking up too early and not being able to fall back asleep. Even though I didn't feel well rested, my body refused to sleep past ridiculous o'clock in the morning. After a while of trying to fight my body's early morning proclivity, I gave up on the idea that I could get more rest and started getting out of bed to exercise, write, and read for the hours before I had anything official on my schedule.

In the past year or so, maybe as part of the aging process, I've started waking up at 2:00 or 3:00 am and having an hour or more of wide-awake time in the middle of the night. At first, I worried that I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep and would be dreary-eyed all day, every day, but it turns out that if I don't push against my middle-of-the-night wakefulness, I can (usually) ease back into sleep until a more reasonable wake-up time. I've been trying to think of my awake hour(s) as a reverse nap, a pan. On days when I'm super tired, if I can make it happen, I love taking naps, so I figure why not reframe my inability to fall asleep in those too-early hours as a reverse nap? Giving that time a cute name and embracing it as found time rather than fighting it helps me relax and rest. Even if I'm unable to fall asleep, thinking of my awake time as something my body needs helps me lose the worry that if I don't fall back to sleep, I'll be too tired to have a good day. And losing the fear helps me enjoy it all more.

Do you ever take pans? How do you feel about them? Please share your responses in the comments.

6 thoughts on “339. Why Pan”

  1. Daniel Kegan says:
    June 25, 2025 at 2:24 am

    AI Overview
    The idea of sleeping for 4 hours, waking, and then sleeping another 4 hours, is a type of biphasic sleep, sometimes referred to as segmented sleep or two sleeps. This pattern was historically more common and involves a period of wakefulness in the middle of the night, often for an hour or two, before returning to sleep.
    What Is Biphasic Sleep and How Might It Benefit You …
    Here’s a breakdown:
    Biphasic Sleep:
    This sleep pattern involves two distinct sleep periods within a 24-hour cycle, as opposed to the more common monophasic sleep pattern of one long stretch of sleep.
    Historical Context:
    In the past, before widespread use of artificial light and industrialization, biphasic sleep was a more common pattern. People would typically go to bed after dusk, wake up in the middle of the night for a period of activity or rest, and then go back to sleep until morning.
    Modern Relevance:
    While monophasic sleep is now the norm, some individuals still naturally experience biphasic sleep, perhaps waking up in the middle of the night or finding that they prefer a shorter sleep followed by a period of wakefulness before another sleep session.
    Potential Benefits:
    Some people find that biphasic sleep can be beneficial, potentially improving alertness, focus, and even reducing stress during the wakeful period.
    Potential Downsides:
    If you’re not naturally inclined towards biphasic sleep, trying to force it can lead to sleep deprivation and negatively impact your health.
    Consult a Professional:
    If you’re considering changing your sleep pattern, it’s always a good idea to consult with a healthcare professional or sleep specialist, especially if you experience any sleep issues or concerns.
    Reinforcing facts: no common electric lights, candles were an expense, etc. More details from a well phrased Internet search.

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      June 25, 2025 at 9:35 pm

      thanks for this information!

      Reply
  2. Viveca says:
    June 25, 2025 at 2:18 pm

    Rod taught me the word “pan.” I never do it on purpose, but learning to accept it when it happens has definitely changed my nighttime experience for the better!

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      June 25, 2025 at 9:35 pm

      I certainly am not doing it on purpose either, but like you, once I learn to roll with it, I do better overall. Same as a lot of life’s quirks, I suppose!

      Reply
  3. Julia Chen says:
    June 25, 2025 at 3:48 pm

    I like this concept! Do you do anything in the pan timeframe? I was thinking that might be tricky because doing activities with light, especially anything screen related, might make it harder to fall back asleep.

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      June 25, 2025 at 9:37 pm

      Dear Julia,
      So great to hear from you! I sometimes pick up an actual book on paper. Sometimes, I play or read on my phone. The key for me, like what Viveca also commented, is that if I don’t freak about about all the sleep I’m missing out on but instead stay relaxed, I usually get back to sleep fine.

      Reply

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WHAT I DO

I serve as a class dean and teach English to high schoolers at a boarding school in Connecticut. I’ve earned a Bachelor of Arts (Amherst College), an Education Master in Learning and Teaching (Harvard University Graduate School of Education), a Master of Arts in English (Bread Loaf School of English), and most recently a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing with a certificate in the online teaching of writing (Southern New Hampshire University).

As a writer, I hope to capture the complexity and joy of life in the New England boarding school world. On this site, I share what I know about trying to write fiction while deaning, teaching English, coaching, and doing the other tasks associated with helping to raise over six hundred other people’s children.

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Read my recent “Why” Wednesday Blog Posts

  • NetGalley Review of Destination Weddings and Other Disasters
  • 339. Why Pan
  • NetGalley Review of The Summer You Were Mine
  • 361. Why Life’s Going to Life
  • 338. Why Find Your People
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