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338. Why Find Your People

Posted on June 18, 2025June 17, 2025 by caritagardiner
Screenshot 2025-01-04 at 5.29.36 PM

I haven't read the book pictured above, but it's probably very helpful. It gets 3.96 stars on Goodreads and 4.6 on Amazon.com. Plus, it's about an important goal that many of us in today's world struggle to accomplish. Science shows that to lead happy, healthy lives, we need human interaction. If you want to read it, you can click the photo above to buy a copy. (And if you do, please let me know if I should do the same.)

But as if often the same, the book above isn't exactly what today's post is about. When I came up with my title and did a Google image search, I discovered that Jennie Allen beat me to the name. My idea actually came from a professional development day at my school.

The hired outside speaker (whose name I can't remember, sorry) began his talk by giving everyone in the room a card with a photo on it and telling us to clump, without talking and within two minutes, into groups based on our cards. My card pictured flour on it, so I started searching for other flour holders. In my quest to follow the directions, I ignored the butters, the sugars (maybe the first time I've ever passed on sugar!), and the eggs.

Pretty quickly, I was clumped with five other flours. Then, along came another flour I was ready to welcome warmly into our group, but she shook her head, indicating that she was looking for something else. I saw her find one butter, one sugar, and one eggs.

Lightbulb moment.

Whereas I assumed (always dumb, I know) that my people held the same card as I did, she was looking for people whose cards complemented hers. Had she not been thinking more clearly and expansively than I was, I would have ended that game with a lot of flour. I would have been so jealous watching her happily eating a slice of cake.

I believe we're naturally programmed to feel comfortable around those who look like us and have been where we've been and see the world as we see it, but the reason it's better to have groups of people working together is NOT so that we can echo one another's ideas but so that we can bounce new thoughts around and filter them through different perspectives and experiences. While it's easier to surround ourselves with those who see the world as we do, we'll do better if we look for those who come at situations differently.

Please share your responses in the comments.

2 thoughts on “338. Why Find Your People”

  1. Yuna says:
    June 18, 2025 at 3:35 pm

    What a fun activity! After reading this post, I find myself reflecting on effective sports teams, and how great coaches/leaders select not solely the ‘best’ players on the field, but players who play to each others’ strengths to build balance and cohesion.

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      June 18, 2025 at 7:48 pm

      Yes, what works for teams is often what works for life — only we need complementary skills on even broader levels!

      Reply

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WHAT I DO

I serve as a class dean and teach English to high schoolers at a boarding school in Connecticut. I’ve earned a Bachelor of Arts (Amherst College), an Education Master in Learning and Teaching (Harvard University Graduate School of Education), a Master of Arts in English (Bread Loaf School of English), and most recently a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing with a certificate in the online teaching of writing (Southern New Hampshire University).

As a writer, I hope to capture the complexity and joy of life in the New England boarding school world. On this site, I share what I know about trying to write fiction while deaning, teaching English, coaching, and doing the other tasks associated with helping to raise over six hundred other people’s children.

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Read my recent “Why” Wednesday Blog Posts

  • NetGalley Review of Destination Weddings and Other Disasters
  • 339. Why Pan
  • NetGalley Review of The Summer You Were Mine
  • 361. Why Life’s Going to Life
  • 338. Why Find Your People
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