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273. Why You Don’t Know Yourself

Posted on March 20, 2024March 19, 2024 by caritagardiner
Screenshot 2023-11-19 at 6.20.26 PM

It's true, what it says above, that you know yourself better than other people know you. However, I posit that you don't know yourself well enough yet. Here's what I'm thinking.

I've heard people cop out of trying to do things by saying, "I know myself, I won't ever..." You can fill in the ending with whatever activity people want to do or stop doing but haven't been able to quit.

  • I know myself, I won't go to a gym three times per week.
  • I know myself, I won't stop eating dessert whenever it's available.
  • I know myself, I can't write every day.
  • I know myself, I'm not going to volunteer at a shelter.

Well, I don't buy any of that. Instead, I think people should use what they know about themselves to figure out how to do those activities they want to do. Let's reframe.

  • I know myself, so I'm going to watch my new Netflix shows only when I'm at the gym.
  • I know myself, so I'm going to eat offered desserts only when I've had three different kinds of fruits and vegetables first.
  • I know myself, so I'm not going to allow myself to read my fun book until I've completed my daily writing. (You can probably tell which one of these I use most often.)
  • I know myself, so I'm going to bring friends with me when I volunteer at that shelter.

If we use what we know about ourselves to become the people we want to be, we might like what we know about ourselves more.

To be clear, this isn't a braggy post, it's an aspirational one. What advice do you all have to help people use what we know about ourselves to improve what we do? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

2 thoughts on “273. Why You Don’t Know Yourself”

  1. Daniel Kegan says:
    March 23, 2024 at 3:03 pm

    I learned from a friend, successful SmokeEnders graduate: It’s had to stop a habit, but much easier to stop the behavior when you develop an incompatible habit. Eg, instead of an after meal smoke, brush your teeth.

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      March 23, 2024 at 3:05 pm

      That’s a good system––unpairing behaviors rather than pairing them. I bet there are lots of good examples of this people can add to the list. Thanks!

      Reply

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WHAT I DO

I serve as a class dean and teach English to high schoolers at a boarding school in Connecticut. I’ve earned a Bachelor of Arts (Amherst College), an Education Master in Learning and Teaching (Harvard University Graduate School of Education), a Master of Arts in English (Bread Loaf School of English), and most recently a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing with a certificate in the online teaching of writing (Southern New Hampshire University).

As a writer, I hope to capture the complexity and joy of life in the New England boarding school world. On this site, I share what I know about trying to write fiction while deaning, teaching English, coaching, and doing the other tasks associated with helping to raise over six hundred other people’s children.

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