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265. Why Now

Posted on January 24, 2024January 21, 2024 by caritagardiner
Screenshot 2023-10-15 at 9.50.06 AM

I fully understand the impulse to wait to do something until I can do it perfectly. I want to delay until I have figured the strongest argument and crafted it into the best imaginable wording. I'm writing today's post partly to remind myself to resist such urges for several reasons.

First, it's important to remember that no matter how many times I move my words around, they're never going to be perfect. Leaving aside the fact that there's no such thing as perfection, it's clear that what works best in a situation is context-dependent and our contexts offer, at best, a shifting target. More common, we can't know the best approach to a situation until we take a stab at a solution and evaluate the attempt's results. Since we can't be perfect, we can let go of that aim and hope to be better than nothing.

Second, it's okay to get things wrong. We can always come back to those offended or angered by our attempts, learn from their responses, and try again. Only with such an iterative process can we improve. Without any negative feedback on our efforts, we fail to grow. We don't learn. We stay stuck.

Third, others won't know we're concerned unless we speak or act. If we wait to address issues until we have the perfect solutions, what the other people involved experience is our lack of action. Bumbling ahead imperfectly, which is okay as we are all imperfect, sends the signal that we are not merely moled away in our safe burrows failing to notice or care.

Have you ever waiting to do or say anything in response to a crisis and been criticized for your lack of a response? Have you spoken or acted too quickly and had to revise? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

2 thoughts on “265. Why Now”

  1. Viveca says:
    January 24, 2024 at 3:33 pm

    Yes when it’s just up to me. But recently I have been resisting my natural impulse to respond to email or spoken comments immediately, even when that feels more efficient, in order to let other people have a chance to respond.

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      January 24, 2024 at 3:38 pm

      I hear that. I hate having easy-to-cross-off items on my to-do lists, but I do sometimes slow down if I don’t want to be the one steering the ship.

      Reply

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WHAT I DO

I serve as a class dean and teach English to high schoolers at a boarding school in Connecticut. I’ve earned a Bachelor of Arts (Amherst College), an Education Master in Learning and Teaching (Harvard University Graduate School of Education), a Master of Arts in English (Bread Loaf School of English), and most recently a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing with a certificate in the online teaching of writing (Southern New Hampshire University).

As a writer, I hope to capture the complexity and joy of life in the New England boarding school world. On this site, I share what I know about trying to write fiction while deaning, teaching English, coaching, and doing the other tasks associated with helping to raise over six hundred other people’s children.

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